And they all work here . . . okay, possibly not all of them. I mean, I've read - overheardintheoffice.com and some of those comments pale in comparison to what's gone on here. Every week for the last month, we've provided our VP with a spreadsheet including data elements he feels are important to discern the health of our projects. Every week the Project Managers (PMs) and Resource Managers (RMs) go into the spreadsheet and update it. This week, we moved the location of the spreadsheet to make it more convenient for everyone. Or at least, I was told it would be more convenient for everyone.
With the noon deadline looming, one PM came to me and told me he couldn't update the spreadsheet, the error message was an actually helpful "File Not Saved". I looked at the permissions he had in that location and he "must have been missed" when someone set up the directory. Fine. I added him to the site, and he went on his merry way to Updateville. I thought, hmmm, I wonder how many other people were missed. Oh, well, just all but three. NO ONE told me that they could not go into the spreadsheet and update it. So . . . how many people contacted me regarding said problem? About 6 - out of a good 25.
However, one of said possible updaters overwrote all of the changes I'd made in the morning with their own version - wiping out the few changes people who did have permissions were able to make. When attending the meeting with our VP, there was a lot of 'uhm, I put that in yesterday, not sure why it's not up to date now.'
There are too many Stupid People here - they need to leave.
Next up: Paying for Incompetence
Friday, June 20, 2008
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Favorite Cartoon
My all time favorite, 'it speaks to my cold black heart' cartoon is Pearls Before Swine. Rat is my favorite character.
There is one where Rat tells Pig that everyone in the world can be divided into two categories "People I Don't Like" and "People I Can't Stand". Pig objects and says Rat should come up with a third list with a nice little title for all of the people he does like. Rat comes up with list number three which he titles "Future Disappointments".
I love a lot of things about Pearls - the stupid Crocs who can't kill the Zebras next door, that Rat often complains directly to Steven Pastis their creator when he doesn't like the direction of the cartoon, just to name two examples. But I really love that cartoon. I have it featured prominently at my desk at work. Right next to my Demotivator (www.despair.com) calendar. Which one's featured? You have to ask? Duh. Bitterness.
Next up: People are Stupid
There is one where Rat tells Pig that everyone in the world can be divided into two categories "People I Don't Like" and "People I Can't Stand". Pig objects and says Rat should come up with a third list with a nice little title for all of the people he does like. Rat comes up with list number three which he titles "Future Disappointments".
I love a lot of things about Pearls - the stupid Crocs who can't kill the Zebras next door, that Rat often complains directly to Steven Pastis their creator when he doesn't like the direction of the cartoon, just to name two examples. But I really love that cartoon. I have it featured prominently at my desk at work. Right next to my Demotivator (www.despair.com) calendar. Which one's featured? You have to ask? Duh. Bitterness.
Next up: People are Stupid
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Friends Schmiends
And now, for my prediction: I will end up going to the concert alone.
There's a group in town on Wednesday July 30th that I really want to go and see/hear. They play really great Irish Drinking Songs and it just seems to touch my (cold, black) soul and make it seem a little bit sunshiny. I'd rather never go to this type of thing alone, but this one's especially hard for me because the last time I saw them it was with my now Ex-Boyfriend and it was the night that I *knew* I loved him. I'd felt all warm and fuzzy about our relationship prior to that evening, but for some reason everything just felt magical and I felt really special and I was just certain that he loved me too. He'd gone out of his way to plan the evening, he'd recalled that a relative had told us about this group and he knew it was something I would enjoy and he planned the whole thing. Everything about that night was absolutely perfect - we had a great relationship, I really enjoyed spending time with him, he'd become my best friend, my sounding board, and I actually believed I was dating someone with whom I had a future. I was amazed. I could not believe that my cold, black heart might actually be beating in my chest. Fast-forward and it turns out he liked me, respected me, enjoyed my company, was his best friend too, but was never in love with me. So, overall, I'd really rather not be alone when I go to see this group.
Problem solved - I'll ask my friends to go and we'll see if we can't get a group together to go to dinner at the venue and then see the show. They've been asked and seem like they're interested, but I predict that they will 'forget' to buy tickets or 'forget' that it's THAT night, and I will end up going alone. It's my life, I recognize the patterns in it. I'm always stupid to believe that things will change.
Next up: Favorite cartoon
There's a group in town on Wednesday July 30th that I really want to go and see/hear. They play really great Irish Drinking Songs and it just seems to touch my (cold, black) soul and make it seem a little bit sunshiny. I'd rather never go to this type of thing alone, but this one's especially hard for me because the last time I saw them it was with my now Ex-Boyfriend and it was the night that I *knew* I loved him. I'd felt all warm and fuzzy about our relationship prior to that evening, but for some reason everything just felt magical and I felt really special and I was just certain that he loved me too. He'd gone out of his way to plan the evening, he'd recalled that a relative had told us about this group and he knew it was something I would enjoy and he planned the whole thing. Everything about that night was absolutely perfect - we had a great relationship, I really enjoyed spending time with him, he'd become my best friend, my sounding board, and I actually believed I was dating someone with whom I had a future. I was amazed. I could not believe that my cold, black heart might actually be beating in my chest. Fast-forward and it turns out he liked me, respected me, enjoyed my company, was his best friend too, but was never in love with me. So, overall, I'd really rather not be alone when I go to see this group.
Problem solved - I'll ask my friends to go and we'll see if we can't get a group together to go to dinner at the venue and then see the show. They've been asked and seem like they're interested, but I predict that they will 'forget' to buy tickets or 'forget' that it's THAT night, and I will end up going alone. It's my life, I recognize the patterns in it. I'm always stupid to believe that things will change.
Next up: Favorite cartoon
I'm not Indisposable
Work has been sucking up waaaaay too much personal time lately - so here's my first post in a while:
While my vanity (and let's face it, I appear to have a lot) would love for me to say "this place couldn't last without me", it's not true. It's just not. And yet - if I tried to take a vacation, I swear half the department would hunt me down and make my life miserable with conference calls, 'if (I) could just join this *one* call . . . '. No. No. No. FINE. What's the point of going on vacation if you're still working?
The other day (about 15 minutes prior to a complete melt-down on my colleagues) I got into the elevator and someone asked me "how's it going?" The guy in the elevator with him whispered frantically, "Dude - didn't you look at her face? Why would you ask her that?!". I gave the whispering colleage the smile with too many teeth and rather chillingly politely told the solicitous person "I'm grouchy. As usual." He really was only trying to be nice. I think it's especially good form to be sweet to the people you aren't intent on destroying just prior to going postal on someone else. And I really did feel as though I was going to melt down on said colleages when I returned to that conference room. Why? Because I know that they could not resist poking the bear. Why? Because they are idiots.
Next up: Prediction for a Future Disappointment
While my vanity (and let's face it, I appear to have a lot) would love for me to say "this place couldn't last without me", it's not true. It's just not. And yet - if I tried to take a vacation, I swear half the department would hunt me down and make my life miserable with conference calls, 'if (I) could just join this *one* call . . . '. No. No. No. FINE. What's the point of going on vacation if you're still working?
The other day (about 15 minutes prior to a complete melt-down on my colleagues) I got into the elevator and someone asked me "how's it going?" The guy in the elevator with him whispered frantically, "Dude - didn't you look at her face? Why would you ask her that?!". I gave the whispering colleage the smile with too many teeth and rather chillingly politely told the solicitous person "I'm grouchy. As usual." He really was only trying to be nice. I think it's especially good form to be sweet to the people you aren't intent on destroying just prior to going postal on someone else. And I really did feel as though I was going to melt down on said colleages when I returned to that conference room. Why? Because I know that they could not resist poking the bear. Why? Because they are idiots.
Next up: Prediction for a Future Disappointment
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Read the Frickin' Manual
I was clear. I was very, very clear. I wrote: "I need release dates for all of your projects as milestones." Everyone on the team agreed that a milestone has a duration of 0 days. Yet *everyone* left either 1 day or a span of days in that field. This is your job people - learn it. If you don't know it by now - at LEAST read what I wrote! I even provided examples. Is no one trainable?!
Open memo to our QA team: It's not a successful test if something failed. Do not tell me that the test cases all completed successfully if you haven't bothered to read the log and see that two sessions failed. Can you not read? If you can't read, do you not understand the big red "X"?! And really, why are you in QA if you can't read?
And to the guy who's e-mailing me RIGHT NOW: I told you where the document is located in the shared directory, I told you to update it, you righteous dastard, I'm not your g-d admin, update it yourself. READ the note I sent if you didn't listen to the instructions when I gave them verbally during the meeting last night.
Why can no one pay attention anymore? Are you too busy reading the newspaper online, multi-tasking during conference calls, your eyes don't see bold print?! Honestly, I'm pretty sure that movie Idiocracy is occurring right before my eyes in real life.
Next Up: I'd take a vacation, but then I'd have to answer my phone
Open memo to our QA team: It's not a successful test if something failed. Do not tell me that the test cases all completed successfully if you haven't bothered to read the log and see that two sessions failed. Can you not read? If you can't read, do you not understand the big red "X"?! And really, why are you in QA if you can't read?
And to the guy who's e-mailing me RIGHT NOW: I told you where the document is located in the shared directory, I told you to update it, you righteous dastard, I'm not your g-d admin, update it yourself. READ the note I sent if you didn't listen to the instructions when I gave them verbally during the meeting last night.
Why can no one pay attention anymore? Are you too busy reading the newspaper online, multi-tasking during conference calls, your eyes don't see bold print?! Honestly, I'm pretty sure that movie Idiocracy is occurring right before my eyes in real life.
Next Up: I'd take a vacation, but then I'd have to answer my phone
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Easier Versus Harder
I don't know why this is such a difficult concept - but digital makes things EASIER folks. Do NOT use the fact that you aren't using film to excuse why you can't do what I *know* you can do.
What-the-frick-is-she-talking-about, you ask. And rightly so!
On Friday I took a dog in to the vet to have an OFA x-ray for her hips and elbows. That was seriously not supposed to be difficult. I've done it for all of my dogs after they turn 2 years old, plus various puppy buyers have done the same and sent the x-rays to me for submission. I've seen a lot of Basenji x-rays, folks. Basenjis are "medium" sized dogs, but really, they're small. All the way from their hips to their elbows fit on one x-ray. I swear. However, when I looked at the x-ray on the CD the vet tech gave me - they did her hips to her toes. No elbows. I'm not that anatomically challenged that I don't recognize where elbows are supposed to be.
Fine, no problem, maybe they made a mistake and left the elbow x-ray off of the CD I have to submit. However, when I called - they said they had no idea that I wanted her elbows in the shot (we did discuss it and I filled out the form correctly [I checked]) but now they want another $$ for the new x-ray and $$ for the anesthetic - but they'll make an exception for me, since there was a mistake and they'll let me bring her back next Saturday. Gee, thanks. The only excuse I got from them was, "well, this is a digital x-ray, not film". Honey, digital makes it easier, not harder. Is this frickin' backwards day?
It comes down to the fact that for some unknown reason no one knows how to read anymore. I always tell people, "I can't help you, if you can't read." It has absolutely nothing to do with illiteracy, it has to do with no one paying attention anymore!
Next up: RTFM
What-the-frick-is-she-talking-about, you ask. And rightly so!
On Friday I took a dog in to the vet to have an OFA x-ray for her hips and elbows. That was seriously not supposed to be difficult. I've done it for all of my dogs after they turn 2 years old, plus various puppy buyers have done the same and sent the x-rays to me for submission. I've seen a lot of Basenji x-rays, folks. Basenjis are "medium" sized dogs, but really, they're small. All the way from their hips to their elbows fit on one x-ray. I swear. However, when I looked at the x-ray on the CD the vet tech gave me - they did her hips to her toes. No elbows. I'm not that anatomically challenged that I don't recognize where elbows are supposed to be.
Fine, no problem, maybe they made a mistake and left the elbow x-ray off of the CD I have to submit. However, when I called - they said they had no idea that I wanted her elbows in the shot (we did discuss it and I filled out the form correctly [I checked]) but now they want another $$ for the new x-ray and $$ for the anesthetic - but they'll make an exception for me, since there was a mistake and they'll let me bring her back next Saturday. Gee, thanks. The only excuse I got from them was, "well, this is a digital x-ray, not film". Honey, digital makes it easier, not harder. Is this frickin' backwards day?
It comes down to the fact that for some unknown reason no one knows how to read anymore. I always tell people, "I can't help you, if you can't read." It has absolutely nothing to do with illiteracy, it has to do with no one paying attention anymore!
Next up: RTFM
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Popcorn is Ruined
I cannot eat popcorn anymore, not since I found out that the last few pieces that don't pop are called "Old Maids". Now, every time I eat popcorn, I think, "Well, maybe it just wasn't part of their destiny to pop. I mean, really, not everyone has to pop. Not popping is okay." But we buy our popcorn knowing that it's important for most of those kernals to pop.
Why are they called "Old Maids"?!
I AM NOT AN OLD MAID!
So, that's why popcorn's off the list now. I'm not sayin', I'm just sayin'.
Next up: It's digital, it should be EASIER. Or, why-the-frick-can-no-one-READ?! I haven't decided, I'm equally bitter about both topics.
Why are they called "Old Maids"?!
I AM NOT AN OLD MAID!
So, that's why popcorn's off the list now. I'm not sayin', I'm just sayin'.
Next up: It's digital, it should be EASIER. Or, why-the-frick-can-no-one-READ?! I haven't decided, I'm equally bitter about both topics.
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